What happens when you roleplay as a magic broom in World of Warcraft? You meet a beautiful man and his pimp.

Your bi-weekly Shakespearean sonnet, 90s Edition!

I am a tiny human. I like being a tiny human, but sometimes being a tiny human is less than enjoyable. Here's why.

A fairly typical meeting of the Benevolent Order of Outrageous Otherlanders (Boooo).

The very first Billboard Chart Sonnets, courtesy of C. Van Dyke!

Literally just Ronald McDonald fanfiction.

I once said "fuck" in the middle of a job interview. Here's my story.

“I did not pay 71k a year to NOT talk about the fact that I am a sad, white man in front of 130 of my closest friends.”

My comfort matters more than your cause, so here's where you can protest without making me feel bad.

These songs are wonderful, and you all know it.

Am I upset that I get harassed with updates? No, of course not. What makes you say that?

It sounds stupid, right? Because it's stupid.

A guide on poetry. Follow this to the letter or you aren't a poet.

We're making a series out of Your Favorite Philosopher's endless wisdom. Here's a train rant.

"...and stab him in his lengthy back with the heels you are undoubtedly wearing because you’re a small person..."

What happens when you write an intentionally bad poem that merges everything pretentious about poetry? This happens.

A guide on writing the quicker, littler version of prose: flash prose!

A foolproof guide to writing science fiction. Got any burning questions? Don't ask them. Consult this instead.

Rage can be channeled, and this guide is meant to show you how. Trust me, it works like a charm.

Buckle your seat belts ladies and gents, this one's gonna be a doozy.

Abortion is murder and so are contraceptives. If I ever so much as hear that you ended the life of one of God's creatures, I will kill you.

Yes, it's two sentences. No, I'm not sure if he was serious or not when he sent me this. Yes, I'm proud I'm posting it.

I don't actually need my internal organs, do I? Oh well. At least I didn't pick favorites.

The zombie apocalypse sucks, but at least I come out of it looking superior.